Purposive Rambling

the journey is the reward.

Restlessness

with 2 comments

Lately, I’ve been feeling very restless and a bit bored with life. Or, the everyday stuff of life. I am happy with Jon. I am happy with Sociology. I am happy with Indianapolis. I am even happy with reading for my qualifying exam! But when I’m laying down in bed each night and reflecting on the day, I feel bothered. With myself mostly. A lot of times I feel like I just half-assed everything.

Me to myself:

I didn’t work that hard. I read some, but I got distracted a lot too. I spent way too much time checking my email, reading the news, being a voyeur into people’s lives on Facebook, laughing out loud at adorable cats, and so on. Along with this half-assed work, I had some half-assed play time. I sat on the couch watching crap tv that doesn’t really add anything to my life. What a waste of time.

I want/need to do more. To be more. I want to feel like everyday is fulfilling and worthwhile. Sure, sometimes I just need to veg on the couch, but not every day. I want to be someone who works hard and plays hard instead of having a casual, uncommitted approach to both. That is getting me nowhere.

So yesterday I started on the hard-working part. Our Internet was down, and although I complained a lot about it, it was a blessing. I put my head down and read for my qualifying exam all day. I took a break for lunch, I took a break for dinner, and then I ended the day with enough time to watch a couple shows with Jon and read a couple chapters of Alex and Me, which is great so far, by the way. It was the most productive day I have had in quite awhile. And even though I was a bit antsy because I hadn’t been able to check my email, it was really nice to not have the distraction of the Internet. The trick now is to find the self-discipline to either ignore it or shut it down and give myself the big blocks of time that I need to get real work done on a consistent basis.

And as for the play side of things, Jon and I have agreed that we need to get off the couch more and stop treating tv like a hobby.

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Written by Lisa

September 9, 2009 at 10:15 pm

2 Responses

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  1. I think that all grad students half-ass things sometimes and probably beat ourselves up for it far more often than it actually occurs. If you are reading complex arguments, it takes a lot of concentration, and I just don’t think that you can do that for 8 hours a day. I’ve never had a real job, but I imagine that if I were in an office, I would have structure and pressure to be task oriented to get some stuff done but I’d probably spend quite a bit of time looking at adorable cats online, too. Intense concentration, like what is required for quals reading, has an ebb and flow to it, so don’t feel too bad about it!

    Biscotti

    September 11, 2009 at 1:30 am

  2. Thanks, Biscotti!

    Lisa

    September 11, 2009 at 1:17 pm


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